If it weren't for bad luck i'd have no luck at all ... or so the saying goes. This statement is completely dis-empowering and a function of our perception more than anything.
It's easy to dwell on the negative, to focus on circumstance as a means to justify our station in life. Why we aren't someplace we should be, or why we didn't get something we wanted.
On the flip side of this, when I perceive that I am doing well -- look at me I get things done! How much of this success am I attributing to "luck?" For most people, probably very little.
Here's how it goes: When things go my way, when my outcomes resemble my expectations -- it's because of me. It is because of how smart I am, how hard I work, how much kale I consume, etc. When things go against me, when I struggle, when my life falls short of what I expected -- it's somebody else's fault. It's bad luck. My parents were big boned, etc.
Our perception becomes reality, and the meaning we assign to things create those perceptions. The quality of our life boils down to how we filter things and the choices we make in deciding how to interpret life as it unfolds.
Consider this the next time you face a set back, it's not the end of you, it's an opportunity to grow. If you adopt this as your mindset I promise your life will improve in ways you can't imagine.
Also -- when you experience your next big win -- take note to think about all the people who helped you get there. Consider all the random things that had to line up for that to happen. Gratitude and humility go a long way.
Happy St. Patty's Day
How many of your friend couples met via online dating? Remember the days when they were embarrassed to tell others they met on Plenty Of Fish, Match.com, Yahoo personals, EHarmony?
The days of being sheepish over meeting online are largely over. But the challenge of finding "the one" remains.
Several studies show varied results about whether online daters are more or less picky when it comes to selecting who they actually go on dates with. Several factors such as age, gender and education level all seem to play into if a person will veer away from their predetermined checklist of must haves before taking the next step.
The norms of online dating bring new challenges. Professional matchmaker, Julie Clitheroe, from Magnetix Matchmaking doesn't feel online dating causes people to lower their standards. In fact she thinks the opposite is true. "People online are picky, they dismiss someone based on the picture they have posted, and many never read the profile write up. Those they do talk with end up being short lived because someone perceived to be better comes along that gets their attention."
In addition to selection criteria, dating sites can basically eliminate the chances of you meeting someone not like you, but potentially well suited for you. Huffington Post author Susie Lee agrees in her article, The History of Online Dating From 1695 to Now, "By 2010, different dating sites existed for virtually every city, sexual orientation, religion, race and almost every hobby, making it easier to find exactly what we’re looking for and harder to stumble on someone who exists outside our pre-defined bubbles of identity."
Being set up by friends never seems to work either. So unless you're steadfast on believing your serendipitous moment will happen, is there anything else can you do to find that special someone? Yes, the answer may be in professional matchmaking services.
When asked why her services are different than someone finding a match online, Clitheroe explains, "Matchmaking and online dating are completely different. Matchmaking is a guided and interactive process, where online dating sites are completely self-serve. With online, there is no one verifying the information put online. There is no one helping through the process, and no one to give feedback to post date, or support through the early stages of a relationship."
She adds, "There are some fantastic people online. But unless you have the time and a thick skin, most people have negative experiences using online dating sites."
Before you throw this baby out with the bathwater, just remember online dating was often scoffed at too. So instead of paying for your own second guesses, you might want to consider paying a professional matchmaker.
Julie explains her services this way, "A matchmaker does the work behind the scenes to find the best match based on what you are looking for... You show up and enjoy a fun date with someone you’re compatible with."
How does it work? Matchmaking takes both clients into account when seeking partnerships.
What are the benefits? Who does the service benefit? Read the lists below using the Magnetix Matchmaking system:
Benefits of hiring a matchmaking -
Who would Hire a matchmaker?
I'd like to thank Julie Clitheroe for her insight with this blog post. Magnetix Matchmaking is located in Canada with offices in British Columbia, Alberta, Saskatchewan. There are certified professional matchmakers around the world.
Whyte Stephen and Torgler Benno. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking. March 2017, 20(3): 150-156. doi:10.1089/cyber.2016.0528.